Author of Sci-Fi, Fantasy, Historical, Women's, and Contemporary Fiction
Eric Prinzul Earth Princess Chapter
CHAPTER ONE
My New School Uniform
Oh … my … God!
My life nearly ended the day someone forced me to wear it in front of Miss Kornbaugh’s last-period class. Every kid in there laughed, pointed fingers, and teased me. And if you think that’s bad, you should have seen what happened after the bell rang.
A substitute sat at Miss Kornbaugh’s desk for my sixth-grade social studies class. The name “Mr. Etee” stretched out in crooked, uphill letters on the dry erase board in red.
Tall, about thirty years old, he wore a smirk just above his tiny beard. Small, circular eyeglasses with wire frames rested on an enormous nose that stuck way out.
What a rookie! The suit and tie give him away. This is going to be a fun period.
I exchanged glances with my partner in crime, Frankie Thornbladder, who sat next to me at the back of the class. We winked and gave each other a high five. Facing the front, I rubbed my hands, grinned, and looked around at all the girls in front of me. A medium-sized kid for my age, I still had the reputation of being tough—and girls were my number one target. Frankie’s too.
Chaztity sat writing in front of me, so I yanked on her ponytail and whispered to the other kids, “Yee-haw. Ride that wild pony, cowboy. Yee-haw.”
The nearest kids laughed, and the girl turned, yanking her hair out of my hands. “Leave me alone, you freak.”
I threw my arms out to either side. “Hey, I wanted to tell you this funny joke I heard. That’s all.”
She turned around and wrote something on a piece of paper.
“Come on, Chaz, it’s hilarious.”
She continued writing.
“What does a chicken use to count its eggs?”
She spun around. “Just shut up. I don’t care.”
“A cackle-ator.”
She squinted and puckered her lips like she had bitten into a lemon. “Jerk. You’re a stupid jerk.” She whipped around and started writing.
I turned to Frankie. “I thought it was funny.”
“It was hilarious.” He chuckled.
I pulled Chaztity’s ponytail again.
She shot to her feet and raised her hand. The substitute pointed at her.
“Mr. Etee, please move me.” She jerked a thumb over her shoulder. “Sir Pest-A-Lot is bothering me.”
The substitute rose. He stood over six feet tall, but that never scared me. I sent many big men running to the principal, begging to be put out of their misery.
“I’m well aware of Eric Prinzul and his tendency not to treat you ladies the way you should be treated … like gentle ladies.”
Glancing at Frankie, I closed one eye and shook my head.
The substitute glanced down at the seating chart, then looked up at the girl. “You may move for this period, Chaztity, to whatever seat you so desire.”
Mr. Etee sat as Chaztity collected her notebook, grabbed her book bag off the floor, and stuck her tongue out at me. Then she moved to an empty seat near the front of the same row.
I looked at Frankie, nodded, and raised my hand.
“Yes, Mr. Prinzul?”
I stood up, stuck my nose in the air, and rapidly shook my head. “Chaztity stuck her tongue out at me. Now, how can she be a gentle lady if she acts like a child?”
Mr. Etee smiled. “She did it because you deserved it, and that does not detract in the tiniest bit from her being a gentle lady.”
“Hey.” I threw my arms out to either side. “Girls aren’t goddesses, you know.”
“Far from it,” Frankie added.
Mr. Etee nodded. “They should be. But as it is, they are Earth Princesses, and that is fine enough.” He pointed to Frankie. “And stay out of it, Mr. Thornbladder. We’ll deal with you soon enough.”
I sat down, reached for my book bag, and removed a sheet of notebook paper and a straw. A touch on my arm made me turn to see Frankie fighting to hold back his laughter. He pointed to Rosa Rodriguez a few seats in front of him.
Mr. Etee gave out the class assignment before I finished loading my plastic cannon.
Phew—flew the soggy wad. Splat—it landed on Rosa’s left ear.
The dark Hispanic flew her hand to her ear and slapped away the spitball. Turning, she gave me a glare that could have melted lead. I laughed and held up the straw.
She turned around, and the Black girl, Tamika, got one on the side of her face. Tamika flicked it off and turned to see me giggling. She tapped the redhead, Kira, sitting next to her while I loaded and aimed. As soon as Kira turned around … kerplat!
Right between the eyes.
Frankie and I giggled so hard that our desks shook. Kira brushed her hand across her forehead and stood up, staring at Mr. Etee while pointing at me.
“Mr. Etee, make Eric stop shooting spitballs.”
Mr. Etee crossed his arms. “Mr. Prinzul.” He stuck out a hand, palm up, fingers wadded in a fist, and whipped his forefinger back toward himself several times.
I arrived, and he pointed to Mrs. Kornbaugh’s tiny supply room.
“In there, young man.”
“You’re locking me in a closet? You can get in big trouble for that, you know.”
“You won’t be locked in. We’re going in together to give you a little advice.” He looked at the rest of the class. “Continue with your bookwork, please. Chaztity, you will take the names of any boys that misbehave.”
A big smile settled on her face. “Yes, sir, Mr. Etee.”
Shaking my head, I followed Mr. Etee to the supply room. He turned on the closet light, and we stepped in. He shut the door.
“So … what’s up, sir?”
“Don’t be cute. You are the reason for my presence here today.”
“Me? You mean you took over Miss Kornbaugh’s class just for me?”
He poked me in the chest. “That’s right.”
I laughed. “Wow, thanks for the honor.”
“I didn’t come here to honor you, only to punish you. You are the biggest girl bully in the school, and it’s time your shenanigans stopped.”
“If I knew how to start shenanigans, they’d surely be stopped.”
He folded his arms. “You know what I mean. There seems to be no end to your unacceptable behavior.” He pulled a little black notebook out of his inside jacket pocket and flipped through it. “There was the incident with ten-year-old Tabitha Giggleswick, your neighbor across the street. Your buddy Frankie went over to your house to spend the night, and you two sneaked into Tabitha’s yard and painted her bicycle hot pink.”
I laughed. “Oh yeah. That was really funny.” He glared at me. “Well, girls like pink anyway. We did her a favor.”
He jabbed his hands onto his hips. “Oh, you were helping her?”
“Look, sir, how did you know I did that kind deed for her?”
He shook his head. “Kind deed? You can’t treat girls like that. Girls are … well, it’s like I said in the classroom. They’re Earth Princesses, and you must treat them like royalty.”
I threw my hands out to either side. My right hand knocked over a stack of printer cartridge boxes. “Man, what planet are you from? We don’t do things like that here on Earth. It’s every being for himself, and the geeky girls take care of themselves the best they can.”
Mr. Etee slapped the notebook closed and shoved it back into his inside jacket pocket. “That ends for you today.”
He thrust his hands toward me. One held the back of my head while the other covered my face. He chanted something as I struggled, but I couldn’t pull my hands away against his overpowering grip. Several seconds later, he let go and folded his arms.
“There, Eric Prinzul. Now, go forth and learn a valuable lesson.”
I shook my head and ran my lips around in a circle to get rid of the pushed-in feeling his hand left on my face.
“Hey, man, you can be sued for that. Teachers aren’t supposed to put their hands on kids. You wait until the principal finds out.”
What happened to my voice? It doesn’t sound right. I must be really upset.
Mr. Etee leaned back, whipped one hand under an elbow, and stroked his beard with the other. “You look … nice.” He dropped both arms to his sides. “Now, get back to class and suffer the consequences.”
I flipped a hand at him and stepped toward the door. Opening it, I walked into the classroom. A roar of laughter thundered through the room, and soon all the kids pointed at me.
“What’s so funny?” I asked. “Why don’t you all shut up?” I pointed to my seat. “Frankie, get out my straw.”
A book bag still sat beside my desk.
What the …? It’s pink!
I rammed my fists onto my hips and turned to Frankie. “All right. Who took my book bag and gave me a sissy one?”
Frankie gawked at me, frozen like a giant icicle.
The kids laughed louder. They pointed at me and jeered. I walked to Jason, pushed him, and his seat toppled over.
“Just stop laughing. What’s so funny about Mr. Etee and me going into the supply room?”
“Nothing,” Chaztity said, pointing at my legs. “It’s not going into the closet that is funny. It’s how you look coming out.” She bent over guffawing, and the rest of the class doubled the level of laughter in the room.
Shooting a glance at Frankie, his forehead rested on his desk. He rolled it slowly from side to side.
Why is he doing that? What’s wrong with me?
I looked down at my legs and couldn’t see them. Some fabric blocked their view. Pushing it inward, my legs came into view—bare from the edge of the cloth down to my socks—which disappeared into sissy-looking shoes.
I jerked my head up and stared straight ahead as my insides turned to ice.
